met'-ah-MOR-fah-sis

metamorphosis
(noun) [met’-ah-MOR-fah-sis]
1. a complete change of physical form or substance, as by magic or witchcraft: “The metamorphosis was so complete that my closest friends barely recognized me.”
2. a striking change in appearance, character, or circumstances; ‘the metamorphosis of the old house into something new and exciting’
3. (as in biology) a change in the form and often habits of an animal after the embryonic stage during normal development, as the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly or a tadpole into a frog
4. (as in pathology) a usually degenerative change in the structure of a particular body tissue

Yes please, I’ll take two.  Especially the kind that happens instantly like magic.  Yes, yes, that’s how I want it.  Movie montage style.

Metamorphosis was the word of the day on a website that I go to daily for inspiring quotes and definitions.  It got me thinking about how so much of my life has been spent waiting to transform into the version of me that I’d finally deem good enough. I’d finally be thin enough and pretty enough and smart enough to deserve my own love and respect.

Man, that’s pretty screwed up.

Screwed up but sadly normal I think.

I know I’m not the only woman who has had a sordid past with self esteem.  It’s a slippery little bugger and it always seems that as soon as I wrap my hands around it, some new standard that I can’t possibly live up to comes along and wrestles it from my hands.  The truth is, and by truth I mean my oh so humble and somewhat conspiracy laden opinion, that we’re bred into this culture that tells us we can’t possibly be good enough naturally, but there’s salvation and confidence out there to be had, for only three monthly installments of $39.99.

[…]

By |January 14th, 2009|Body Love|7 Comments

Non Diet Detox

I few days ago I went out to lunch with the lovely Sarah of Pink of Perfection.  Sarah is the queen of all things pretty, thrifty and domestic chic, and if you aren’t obsessed with her yet; you probably should be.  Sarah mentioned to me that she was trying a detox she learned from Body+Soul magazine that consisted mainly of oatmeal, brown rice, vegetables and legumes.  She’s feeling all clean and recharged and honestly I’m feeling a bit jealous as I’ve been feeling a bit mucked up since the holidays passed.

I don’t plan on running out to the newsstand to pick up the latest issue of anything-I’ve got a budget to think of, but I do think I will make this week an adventure in detoxing my body from all the abuse I’ve subjected to over the last few weeks.  I refuse to diet though, healthy is one thing, dieting is another and as far as I’m concerned my dieting days are over.  This will not be about losing weight; instead it will be about feeling clean and centered in my body. (But heck, I’ll weigh myself before and after.  You know just for sh-ts and giggles.)

So here’s the game plan from my non diet detox:

[…]

By |January 12th, 2009|Body Love|7 Comments

past v. future: an on going journey

VS  

For the first time in a long time I went to one of the most demeaning social situations in existence.  An open call.  Being an actor isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be.    You put yourself out there to be judged over and over again and you’re denied acceptance over and over again.  Not to mention spending countless hours in rooms full of strangers who seem to think it is their life’s purpose to psych you out.  I’m pretty seasoned on the audition circuit and don’t get frazzled easily, but I still want to punch those people–you know, for the sake of everyone else.  I’ve been lucky in that I’ve had very few unemployed spells as an actor, but I’m definitely coming off of my longest run of steady employment (which translates to longest absence from the auditioning world). It was slightly strange to slip back into a part of my life that was once a daily occurrence.  I got nervous, my heart sped up, I thought about what the auditionees were saying about me while I auditioned-totally not the old me.

It’s something about slipping on that old life again that reminded me of where all this neurosis about my body stemmed from.  The first time I ever lied about my weight was when I was seven-years-old at a meeting with an agent.  My mom told me to say I weighed 70lbs instead of 80.  I have no idea what the appropriate weight for a seven year old to be is, but at that moment I knew that whatever I was I was not right.  I’ve spent most of  my life since that moment auditioning and subsequently worrying about how I look.  But this time, not so much.  I realized as I was walking home that there was not a single moment while sitting in the holding area that I compared my body with any of the other actresses.  In fact, while I was getting ready at home before hand I had a pretty big realization…I’m kinda cute.

[…]

By |January 7th, 2009|Body Love|4 Comments