March Resolutions: Take Yourself Seriously

Over champagne toasts, and speeches celebrating newly engaged friends of ours last night, The Fella and I were asked over and over again at a party how we met.

We met on the Internet. Surely, this was not how I expected the great romance of my life to initiate, but I’m thankful nonetheless. Once the getting-to-know-you stories were finished, what took place was a barrage of Internet dating war stories. It would seem that we were not alone in our endeavor, and the couples we were chatting with shared their own stories of awkward conversations and all around strange folks. I couldn’t help but think back to all the clichés on dating profiles: beach walking, liking to stay in and go out, loving fun, and not taking oneself too seriously.

Which got me thinking. What’s wrong with taking yourself seriously?

Surely, being able to look at yourself and your life as something worthy of shrewd observation and serious effort does not exclude the possibility of a sense of humor and the loving of fun?

Obviously, this sent me down a dark and winding path of introspection. Perhaps it was the champagne. Perhaps it was the Percocet. Or, perhaps it is the timing in my life. But, whatever it was one of my favorite literary quotes came to mind. I may not always agree with Ayn Rand’s social philosophies, but she is a great writer, and often times spot on about self-actualization.

Learn to value yourself, which means: to fight for your happiness.

~Ayn Rand

That quote pretty much sums up what I think it means to take oneself seriously. A concept I’ve certainly battled for much of my life. There is something about our culture that instills in us, particularly in women, that it is selfish and gluttonous to focus our time and efforts on ourselves, our own happiness, and our own success—whatever that means to each individual.

I have undoubtedly been on the receiving end of that judgment, and I have been the one doling it out. Neither is particularly good for the soul.

One of the reasons I renew my resolutions each month is because I am on a constant quest to be a better version of myself. Sometimes I stumble. Sometimes I achieve things that surprise even me. More often than not, I fall right back into just trying to survive the tide of life.

This month I’m resolving myself to a mantra instead of specific goals.

Take yourself seriously.

 

What are you resolving for March?

 

Kim

Finding Silver Linings

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
~Redd Foxx

I learned something today: You’re never supposed to put citrus fruit in the refrigerator. Apparently it ruins the consistency and makes it pulpier. How have I gotten this far in life, and eaten this much mediocre citrus fruit, without learning the rules of proper produce storage?

Other happy discoveries of the day:

  • Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf now exist in NYC! They were a favorite of mine when I lived on the left coast.
  • I’m back down to my lowest adult weight. Technically I was planning on maintaining my weight a few pounds ago, but I think the stress of the last week caused an uptick in my weight loss. I’m not complaining.
  • I have amazing friends that will head into NYC at 9pm after a 12-hour work day, for the sole purpose of cheering me up.
  • Cold butternut squash in a salad is AMAZING.
  • Kabocha squash, roasted and mashed tastes a lot like mashed sweet potatoes only with a fraction of the calories and fewer carbohydrates
  • My parents bought a condo!

Okay, the last one is really big news. My parents have been trying to buy a new condo for over a year, and last week were told that the sale they’ve been waiting for had fallen through and they’d lost thousands and thousands of dollars and my mother shed quite a few tears, on a home that would never be theirs. Then, out of nowhere, the condo was theirs. They closed today. My parents have a new house. I’m looking forward to helping them decorate and spending the holidays in their new home.

If you haven’t noticed I’ve been in a pretty melancholy mood for the last week or so and I definitely needed a little good news in my life. It was that good news early in the day that reminded me of an old trick I did back when I was feeling particularly sad: I took note of everything, no matter how small, that made me happy. I’ve decided to reinstate that old practice until I’m feeling like my old self, hence the list above. Honestly, just seeing a bulleted list of things that are worth smiling over makes everything seem a little more manageable.

How do you cheer yourself up when you’re feeling down?

 

Breakfast

Multi grain tortilla with egg whites and salsa

Morning/Afternoon Snacks


Whey protein with almond milk x2 (one in the morning, one in the afternoon)

Lunch

Salad with lettuce, tomato, chick peas, butternut squash, carrot and orange vinaigrette

Coffee Date


A long lost friend (lost meaning he lives and works in New Jersey) found his way into New York tonight so that we could catch up over caffeine.
Four shot latte with skim milk—I’m still tired. Damn my caffeine resistance!

Dinner

Baked tofu, mashed kabocha squash, and steamed zucchini

Exercise: AM: 45-min strength training session; PM: 45-min spin class

Kim

Yay of the Day!

It’s no secret that I’m trying to lose weight right now. When I started this blog three-and-a-half years ago I was losing weight pretty easily with the help of sensible diet and moderate exercise…and a whole lot of happiness in my life.

I’m a firm believer that happiness has a huge impact on our bodies.

Well, I had a stint over the last couple of years where I was pretty miserable: My mom was very sick for a while, and I was in a job that I hated so much it literally gave me hives on a daily basis. Needless to say, I gained some of that weight back. When I left my evil job in the spring I realized it was time to get happy again, and with happy get back into my skinny jeans.

Those are my skinny jeans. I haven’t worn them in about a year. They fit this morning, and there wasn’t even a muffin top!

This go around it’s taking a wee bit more work to lose weight than it did in my previous incarnation, but I’m willing to log the gym hours because, well…I’m happy. My life is really good right now, and somehow that translates to less interest in gummy bears and buffalo wings and more interest in lat pull-downs. Oh, and being able to dust of these bad boys after not even being able to zip them a few months ago…that makes me happy too!

Is your body positively/negatively impacted by your emotional state?

Breakfast


Egg white omelet with lite cheddar
Whole grain toast
Grapefruit
Coffee with almond milk

Snack

Chocolate protein powder with almond milk
This has become my standard mid-morning snack. As I’ve mentioned before, snacking is not something that comes naturally for me, but I’m really trying to rock the five small meals a day lifestyle; drinking one of those meals seems to be much easier for me.

Lunch


Brown rice pasta with kale, and turkey meatloaf (that’s like meatballs, right?) in marinara

Snack
The last of my chocolate protein muffins. I made a batch of carrot cake muffins for the rest of the week. I’ll try them out after the gym tomorrow, but they smell amazing!

Dinner


I hit up the Whole Foods salad bar after the gym for dinner on-the-go:
Arugula, egg, broccoli, kale, chicken, “detox slaw”, onion, butternut squash, oil & vinegar

Exercise: 20-minute elliptical, 45-min spin class

 

Kim

What’s Making Me Happy: Holiday Weekend Edition

Happy Unofficial End of Summer weekend!  I’m working on a DVD review for you guys for this week, but in the meantime I’m not working too hard.

Here are a few of the things that are making me happy this weekend:

Rollerskating at the Highline skate park

A visit from my BFF

The Comic Book exhibit at the Museum of Sex (dirty cartoons!)

Picnic in Central Park
(I brought the fruit and veggies)

There was lots of eating…

I little bit of smooching…

and a whole lot of frisbee.

What’s making you happy this weekend?

Kim

What’s Making Me Happy: Weekend Edition

Bartenders that don’t let you pay

Pretending to be The King of Pop in my living room

Yummy protein pancakes
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/4 cup low fat cottage cheese
1/2 cup egg whites
1 tsp vanilla
stevia packet
pumpkin pie spice

Blend, cook, satiate

Roses on Park Avenue

A care package that finally arrived…it was packed back in 2008 ;)
Just say no to three-year old candy.  Just say yes to friends who love you.

Photo credit Bend and Bloom Yoga

Yoga and brunch with Sarah

Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix

Frivolous reads

Men in shiny capri pants jumping on one another

What’s making you happy this weekend?

Kim

What’s Making Me Happy: Weekend Edition

A gift to myself

Meditation Podcast

A gift from my besties for Project Dalai Lama

Wedding planning

Ice cream

A little quality time with Heath Ledger

What’s making you happy this weekend?

Kim

Snow Day in Savasana

I used to think that snow was pretty.  Now I think of snow as some sort of ubiquitous sheet of evil that is taking over my life.  Perhaps that’s a bit dramatic, but hey, I’m a bit dramatic these days.

We got hit with ANOTHER 15-inches of snow last night.  I’m not sure the poor bamboo tree in my backyard will ever be the same. The streets are slippery and slushy, and the schools are closed, as was my office.

I had decided I was going to take off the day anyway, try to spend some time clearing the cobwebs in my brain and such, but it was nice to be able to not dock the vacation days.

So today I spent the day meditating.  This is a new practice I’m bringing into my life.  But not the kind of meditating that means sitting around chanting or trying to think of absolutely nothing–that just doesn’t rock my boat…at all.  Instead my version of meditation means lighting candles laying back on my yoga mat and reflecting on the way I feel and the things I want.  Even the things that I’m embarassed to say I want to other people and sometimes to myself, because I feel like I shouldn’t want them, or that it’s ungrateful for me to want more in my life.  But it’s just me and some candles and the universe in my tiny Brooklyn apartment.  And the way I see it, how can I ever achieve these goals if I don’t actually admit to them.

This is super corny, I’m aware of that, but it’s part of this Kim trying to make evil sad monster go away.  I am not good at sad, but I am good at being proactive.

Then I marched myself to Barnes & Noble and got myself a new journal.  I am an on-again-off-again journaler. And to be honest, I always write in a journal with the sense that someone might read it someday, so I don’t want to say anything too personal.  How’s that for paranoia? But, as part of project Dalai Lama, I’m going going to give it another shot.  The purpose of our lives may be to be happy, but there’s probably some other stuff that happens at the same time and I’d like to honestly acknowledge those things to.

Look at me pretending to be all emotionally mature!

I also hit up a new yoga class.  Yoga is good because it takes me out of my head and puts me in my hamstrings.   I also really like Savasana, not only do I enjoy laying on my own floor on a yoga mat, I pay to lay on other peoples floors on a yoga mat.

These were my big and little steps for today toward happiness.  That and baking a vegan banana bread (adapted from Veganomicon), baking always makes me feel calm and serene.  Like yoga only more edible.

Breakfast

Pineapple is seriously the most refreshing fruit that has ever existed.

Lunch

This is really just an excuse to show off my flowers again ;)

Vegan banana bread with almond milk vanilla latte
(I’m like my own personal Starbucks)

Dinner

I wasn’t feeling it.  I’ll eat more tomorrow, promise.

Kim

Project Dalai Lama

The purpose of our lives is to be happy.

Dalai Lama

I had a special flower delivery at work today.

I’ve been thinking about this quote for weeks now.  It’s so simple, and yet so fundamentally true.  We get this finite amount of time to accomplish this very simple, and yet unbelievably complicated goal.

I may not be ‘happy’ right now; I’m battling my own personal sadness demons, but I have happiness on my mind.  A friend wrote an amazing post on her blog about radical self care.  Anything prefaced with radical scares me, but I’m thinking it’s time to re-examine what that means for me.  What if I made being happy my number one priority?  What would that mean?  How would I do that?

I’m a bit of a responsibility junkie, but I don’t know that I’ve ever made myself or my own personal happiness my number one responsibility.  I think it’s worth a shot.  An experiment of sorts.  What can it hurt, right?

This may be a difficult project, but I started today with the little things: I signed up for classes at a new yoga studio and scheduled a massage.

Are these life altering changes? Nope, but they’re a start.

What if I started everyday by asking myself what I could do to make today happy? And, What can I do to make my life as a whole happier?

I have no idea what the answers are but I’ll take it day by day.

As for today, well my plans for a girls night in Queens were cancelled due to inclement weather, so I’ll settle for playing Just Dance on my Wii and looking like an idiot in the comfort of my own home.

What do you do just to make yourself happy?

Lunch

Today was a one meal kind of day.  I don’t so much have an appetite right now, but I had promised the girls at work that I’d go out with them for restaurant week.

Kim

Forgiveness

I saw this quote on The Happiness Project blog today:

“Accepting oneself does not preclude an attempt to become better.” –  Flannery O’Connor

It hit home for me in a very sore place right now.  Those of you who have read me for a while know that this year has been pretty hard for me, between losing my jobs, getting a new job that I hate, my mother almost dying and having on-going health problems, and having a break-up right after a long anticipated romantic getaway–let’s just say I’ve been rattled.

The wear and tear of the last year has really been a struggle for me emotionally, and when I struggle emotionally I tend to struggle physically.  I’ve definitely put on weight.  That was very much confirmed to me at a doctors appointment last week.

The more I freak out about my weight gain, the more unhealthy my habits become, the less likely I am to hit the gym, the more likely I am to binge on gummy worms at the office (amazing how those little binges never make it on the blog-hmmm), and the more likely I am to shrink away from things I love like nights out on the town or auditions.

Whatever I’m doing now is not healthy.  Perhaps it’s not healthy physically, but honestly I know I can lose weight, what is more important is that whatever I’m doing now is not healthy emotionally.  I think it’s time to live by Flannery O’Connor’s example, and just accept who I am, right now at this weight, hair length, eye color, jobby-job, exercise level, etc.

Stressing about my weight won’t change it.  Blaming myself for being a complete emotional disaster at a time when I had every right to be a complete emotional disaster isn’t going to help me feel any better in my skinny jeans, it’s just going to endanger more gummy worms to a tragic fate.

I haven’t felt the way I do now in a very long time.  I really felt before this little chapter of my life that I had “found the secret”, I ate healthfully because I loved it, I exercised because I craved it, I indulged when I wanted and I felt happy and peaceful in my relationship with my body.  I miss those days.

Hopefully they’re not gone for good.  I’m going to take a page from my old Kim playbook and stop trying so hard to be perfect.  I just don’t think I can handle the stress right now.  Instead, I’ll choose my food based on the way it makes me feel.  And to be honest, as tasty as those gummy worms are, I don’t exactly feel like a rock star when the bag is done.

I think it’s time to just forgive me.  It’s a process, it always is, but just acknowledging that I did the best I could, and that wasn’t perfect, but I’m still here and now there’s more of me to love.

This is my last post for the week.  I’m off first thing in the morning for a weekend wedding.

Breakfast

Corn tortilla topped with black beans, egg, 1/4 avocado
Pineapple

Lunch

Yes, this is the same picture as yesterday.  Same salad, different day.

Snack

Baba Ganouj with carrots and cucumber (again, same picture as yesterday)

Undocumented Bags of Gummy Worms= 1

Dinner

Udon noodle soup with bok choy and shrimp

Kim

You’re a Winner!

Ladies and Gents we have a VitaTop Giveaway Winner…lucky comment #5: Lara with a Twitter update.  Thanks to all of you who commented.  I love doing giveaways!  I’m going to try to do them more regularly, so keep reading.

Lara, expect an email from me asking you for magical things like your address.

Yesterday, I decided to get back to my own personal Happiness Project roots, and keep a running total of things that made me happy.  These are the things that made my Thursday more bearable:

  • Seeing the Statue of Liberty from the F Train platform I commute in from in the morning.  Every time I see Lady Liberty (which is five days a week), I think this is so cool!
  • Sexy red shoes.
  • Payday
  • Lunch with my aunt.
  • Cinnamon mini-cupcakes that are the new love of my life
  • Speaking of loves of my life, this quote:

You make me understand how wonderful it is for little lizards when they find that one special rock that’s perfect for sunning themselves on. You make me lizard-happy. -Randy K. Milholland

I’m not dating anyone now, and honestly I’m actively trying to savor every moment of singledom but this corny quote reminded me exactly what I want next time I meet someone—I can only hope that one day I’ll find someone that makes me “Lizard Happy.”  Just the thought of it kind of makes me smirk, I’m a smirker.

Yes, I am the corniest person alive, but I like it.  I like me.  And I really like red shoes and mini-cinnamon cupcakes.

I have never gotten so many cat-calls in one day.   I’ve worn the white blouse, black pencil skirt before without this reaction…it had to have been the shoes.

Breakfast

Banana Rain forest Crunch Cereal with banana and almond milk

Lunch

This is bread.

Bouilabaisse

Honestly, I was a little disappointed in the Gordon Ramsey dining experience.  The food was good, but it wasn’t really anything special.

Coffee

Chocolate pudding with a homemade pretzel wedge, peanut flour and vanilla ice cream

Dinner

Dinner consisted of nibbles of mini cupcakes and cured meats and cheeses

I did not eat all of these, but I considered it.

Congrats to Randy and Alison on your engagement, thank you for getting pinned and introducing me to the wonders of mini-cupcakes.

Kim