Photo on 7-1-16 at 3.24 PM

Keeping it real. This is a live webcam shot of me writing this blog. Please note the stained maternity tank, unbrushed hair, sleeping baby, and 15-year old glasses that are a long way from being a current prescription.

Hello July.

First of all let me give a huge shout out to all the mommy bloggers out there who somehow find time to write about their lives, take beautiful photographs, eat meals that are made of real food and wear clothes that look quasi presentable. I’m so not there yet.

New parentdom is totally kicking my a—and to be totally honest with myself and others I’m nowhere near ready to resolve to be a functioning human being. This month, I’m resolving to:

Eat meals. Last night when The Fella got home at 9pm he asked if I’d eaten dinner, and I realized the last thing I’d eaten was a bowl of Cheerios at 7am. I never thought, not in a million years, that I would be the sort to forget to eat, but that’s who I am now. So this month I’m working up to eating three meals a day, meals that have vegetables and protein and do not consist solely of being a Clif bar.

Accept the things I cannot change. I’ve always really loved the serenity prayer, and I’ve been saying it to myself a lot these days as I’ve struggled to come to terms with the fact that things in regard to breastfeeding haven’t turned out quite the way I’d imagined. The Little Fella and I have shed a lot of tears over mealtime. Well, I have, he doesn’t actually have tears yet, but he’s done his fair share of crying. Because of his tongue tie we’ve had a rough road that has led to supply issues on my part and a super painful latch on his. I’ve spent a small fortune on medical procedures, lactation consultants, pump rentals and specialty attachments, not to mention any and all supplements people have recommended to me for increasing my milk supply. I’ve adhered to a strict 12-feedings and 8-pumping sessions a day which has made me feel less like a mother and more like a milk cow. None of it has made any of this any easier or fruitful. I’m not giving up on breastfeeding, but I’m working on letting go of the guilt associated with supplementing with formula because my body just can’t produce enough for this guy. I’m not there yet, but hopefully by the end of the month.

Go outside. It’s obvious that I look like a super creepy hermit, because at every doctors appointment I’ve gone on in the last few weeks (my sole outings these days) the doctors in question have implored me to leave the house (I guess it’s pretty obvious that I don’t). Living in a walk-up (which makes getting our stroller out a bit of a project) and having a baby that is still on a every-two-hours feeding schedule has made me a bit nervous about leaving the house for any extended length of time, but I’m going a bit crazy. I need a reason to brush my hair and my teeth and I really need to get out of my very small apartment that is very full of baby stuff. I can’t promise that I’ll get out of the house every day, but I’m going to aim for 4 out of 7 days each week.

What are you resolving for July?