Kinda left you all hanging there, didn’t I?

Well, in my defense it’s been a busy week. A lot has happened.

 _DSC0162
_DSC0192

My nearest and dearest friends threw me an absolutely lovely bridal shower. I really couldn’t have asked for more and it was so sweet and I felt very loved…and very prepared (at least when it comes to gadgetry and presentation-ware) for married life. Who’s coming over for dinner? 

_DSC0180I totally photo-bombed what would have been a beautiful photo of my two BFFs

_DSC0262

Now I’ve got to find room for all this stuff. I’m pretty sure my cleaning woman had a heart attack when she saw my stockpile of kitchen booty!

10291204_974921008667_3500254703157047556_n

Work has been super busy this week, including the launch of Terry Crews’s memoir, Manhood. I didn’t edit Terry’s book, but the whole office is super proud of it–and he’s seriously a great guy. 

Screen Shot 2014-05-20 at 9.26.15 AM

Screen Shot 2014-05-20 at 9.31.42 AM

 The paperback of Coming Clean came out and took the #1 spots in the memoir section on Amazon for a hot minute—I’m still amazed that people read my book.

 I got a new book deal. Expect a shiny new book in October of 2015!  Err, it’s going to be a super busy year for my brain. My brain deserves a cookie.

 Speaking of cookies. I saw the nutritionist.

Let’s talk about that. It’s weird. Super weird. It was almost like going to therapy, which I do, but I don’t like to talk about my body in therapy. My self-image and my struggle with self-acceptance is an ongoing project for me (heck, it’s a big part of what my next book is about).  I happen to work in an arena that requires me to think about health, fitness, weight, and body image ALL THE TIME. And it’s something I’m always trying to find peace with, especially in light of this very uncomfortable weight gain of the last two years. Did I mention that two people asked if I was pregnant this weekend? I kind of wanted to throw myself out a window.

Anyhoo, my therapist, I mean, dietician, and I talked about my long and storied diet history. The fact that I went on my first diet in elementary school and haven’t really stopped since, how I’ve spent years restricting and yo-yo-ing, and how I’ve not always been the most rational of eaters. Her theory, and one that makes total sense to me if I were talking about someone else, but is a hard pill to swallow in regard to myself, is that my metabolism is f^%$ed. That I’ve restricted my calories for so long and that I exercise so often that my body has absolutely no idea what to do with calories, and has adapted to be able to sustain itself on a very low amount of calories for a very long period of time.

Instead of focusing on losing weight before my wedding, she wants to focus on eating more and healing my metabolism. There’s actually a lot of interesting stuff out there in regard to metabolic damage and reverse dieting on the interwebs if you’re up for a little Googling.  Basically, I gained a lot of weight, because my body is holding on to every single morsel that passes my lips.

My mission now, if I choose to accept it, and it doesn’t seem like anything else is working so I may as well, is to increase my calories incrementally until my body stops fluctuating in weight. Once we get to that point, my metabolism will probably start to regulate my body weight naturally and I’ll get back to a healthy (I’m technically overweight right now) natural body weight. So, basically I’m not counting calories or fat/protein grams. I’m eyeballing my portions and eating every two hours. Additionally, I’ve drastically cut the amount of cardio I do, but I’m maintaining a pretty regular strength training routine. 

 I’m a super regimented person, so this is kind of hard for me. My RD and I worked out a very simple meal plan for the next few weeks, but the eventual goal is to phase into intuitive eating and add more interesting foods into my diet.

This certainly wasn’t the outcome I had been expecting, and there’s definitely a part of my brain that’s screaming “Great, I’ll fix my metabolism after the wedding, but right now I’d like to fit into my dress”, but I’m being mature and doing the right thing for the long term. After all, a wedding is just a party, right?

 Speaking of weddings, Roy is in Israel for a friend’s wedding. I would have gone with him, but I have to travel to California this week for a speaking engagement. I’m missing him, but at least we have technology. 

unnamed-3

unnamed-2

It’s not the same, but it will do for now.