_DSC0094 This has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I just thought it was funny.

 I’m starting to think that juice cleanses are like sex.

The first time you do one it’s awkward and miserable and you think you must be doing everything wrong because everyone else loves it and you, well you think you must be missing a gene or something.

Then you do it again, and you swear never to do it again—fool me once shame on you, fool me twice I’m an idiot, and then you do it again because of peer pressure and stuff (like idiocy) and surprisingly that time is a bit better, and once you have a few more cleanses under your belt you feel like you finally understand what everyone is talking about.

Having said all that. I don’t like green juice, but I can palpably stand it much more now than I could a few years ago when I did my first juice cleanse. Slowly but surely, celery/parsley/lettuce juice is growing on me. The juice I cannot handle at all is beet juice. Beet and ginger juice, even worse—why are they always together!?!

The beet factor was the reason I chose the juice cleanse I did. The BluePrint Foundation cleanse consists of three green juices, a pineapple/apple/mint juice (which I would like to marry), an ode to the Master Cleanse lemonade, and a fresh cashew milk (my second husband).  No beet juice, no problem. Also, I liked the fact that there was a fatty juice with protein in it, I like macronutrients, they’re fun and keep my body functioning. Also, it feels like a reward at the end of the day for drinking so many vegetables.

Having done this a few times, I knew what to expect (hopefully this time around there will be no sharting), and I was a bit sluggish in the afternoon, a little feverish as expected, but I was able to curb the worst part of it all, the caffeine headache, with a cup of green tea in the morning. Green tea is no almond milk latte, but it will do when you have to interact with other members of the human race.

I also peed a lot. I have this random phobia that people will think I pee too much and then assume I have a drug problem, hence explaining why I go to the bathroom every 10-minutes. That was exacerbated today as my pee break average increased significantly. I have no idea how often people who do drugs do them, perhaps I’m overestimating the druggie timeline.

Anyhoo. As far as juice cleanses go, day one is usually pretty mild. Your body hasn’t yet figured out that you’re starving to death yet. Day two is always the worst. By day three, you figure out that there is food once again on the horizon, but day two, that’s the killer.  I’ll check back in tomorrow to let you know if I survive. 



 Green Juice



 P.A.M (pineapple, apple, mint), green juice, spicy lemonade, green juice



Cashew Milk –This stuff is friggin’ awesome. Made with cashews, agave, vanilla, and cinnamon, it’s like liquid comfort. This alone may be worth doing the cleanse.