I have drafted a thousand blogs in my head this week: blogs about healthy self-talk, blogs about self-acceptance, blogs about finding balance, and maybe a few blogs about how much I really think I need a puppy.  Unfortunately, I’ve been working INSANE hours, coming home after 10pm from days without lunch breaks or a few moments to compose myself.  When I do get home, I usually fall asleep on the couch while attempting to establish some bond with my real life.

What I’m saying is, I forgot that I hate having a traditional day job.

That sounds spoiled, I know, but after spending years being my own boss (which is awesome, but also has numerous downsides like inconsistent pay checks and incredibly costly health care) I’m out of practice at being someone’s peon.  And, well, my new job is far more life-consuming than was originally supposed to be the case.

This is most definitely not a lifer-job, especially because it allows zero hours for me to keep up with the writing work that is the base of my career.  For now I’m resolved to having my health insurance covered by strangers and direct deposit with which to pay my bills.

I sometimes feel like I’m too old to still be figuring it out career wise.  My ideal life would consist of blogging about healthy living while working on books full-time, and while I had that for about a year (and it was glorious), it’s not necessarily sustainable. I went to a book release party for a friend who writes YA fiction a couple of weeks ago, and was lucky enough to chat with a whole bunch of writers who really do write full-time. A big aspect of being able to do that, they informed me, was to sell books in a series.

That’s where I’m stuck.  I don’t know that I’m ready to make a career as a memoirist, I’m no David Sedaris. And, let’s be honest, I already have a blog, how narcissistic can one career get? So, I am in a place now where I am entrenched in the question, “What do I want next?”

There have been discussions in recent months about grad school, ghostwriting, and novels.  I’m comfortably uncomfortable in the limbo of indecision for now. While I’m waiting for the next life-altering idea to come floating my way, I suppose I will settle for a steady paycheck and finishing up my personal training certification.  The sooner I can do that, the sooner I can be out from behind a desk—inspiration never strikes while staring at a computer screen.

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?  Have you ever struggled with a career change?