intestines

Let’s talk about your colon. Actually, let’s talk about my colon.

If these two sentences have made you uncomfortable, please stop reading now—I will resume regularly scheduled food blogging shortly.

Some people experiment with drugs, I experiment with diet and health fads. What can I say, my curious nature is more of the guinea pig variety.

I’ve been curious about colonic irrigation for a while. Curious, but not sold. You see, your colon self-cleans, and all the icky lil bacteria that live there are actually necessary, and colonics can illuminate some of them (queue the yogurt!). What finally pushed me over the edge of experimentation was a Living Social Deal and really craptacular genetics. I come from a long line of people that never poop.

Hi Mom, thanks for the sluggish intestines!

Every few months my best friend will ask me when the last time I went was (not because she finds colon health intriguing, but because she finds this particular quirk of mine hilarious) and I’ll say something along the lines of “Oh, two or three weeks,” and then she’ll give me a quasi pitying/quasi amused look.

So, I figured I’d stock up on yogurt and book an appointment.

Let’s just say it was interesting.

The actual process is just about the weirdest thing you could ever do. I explained it to my mom as “It’s kind of like doing it I the butt with a hose.”

We don’t really have boundaries in my family—obviously.

But really, that’s basically what it is. The err-irrigationist-??? (I have no idea what the legit name for the person that does a colonic irrigation for you is) sticks a plastic thingy in your bum (not a feeling I would like to repeat) and then turns the water on. The water fills your colon up, and then releases the water and then all the stuff that’s been living in your colon for YEARS starts coming out. This happens in cycles, and all the while the hose-wielder massages your lower abdomen.

I wouldn’t say that this was a good feeling, but when all was said and done I left feeling like a deflated balloon. And that was kind of good.

Afterward, I could have sworn that I was like 90lbs lighter, but the difference on the scale was negligible—still I definitely felt the difference. And I consider this particular experiment a positive one, albeit not one that I plan on getting in the habit of doing. The weirdness factor and my respect for proper bacteria levels in my curliest of organs makes me think that this was a one-time thing.

Still, I do weird things, so you don’t have to. If you have any questions about colonics that I haven’t covered, feel free to ask in the questions and I’ll try to answer in the least nasty manner.

 

Also, this video is a pretty accurate to my experience and also hilarious…