When I think about meditation I think about people sitting cross-legged on woven mats for hours lost in a thought-free space where their soul can be at ease.
I can’t do that.
I cannot sit still for long periods of time. Those mats are rough and itchy, and I’d probably have an easier time lifting a Hummer with my mind than I would shutting it off completely. Instead my form of meditation is to simply talk to myself and then answer honestly.
This is probably as crazy as it sounds, but bear with me.
When life is easy-peasy and carefree I never think to do this, but when moments in life feel overwhelming and I can’t wrap my mind around them, this is when I earnestly seek my own counsel. I roll out a yoga mat, lie down, and I just talk about everything it is that I am scared of. Because, let’s face it most of the time the things that are holding us back in life are not actual things but mindsets we cannot get past. And, in regard to real meditation, these are all of the things that I cannot stop thinking about when I’m asked to clear my mind.
I lay out all the possible scenarios that could happen, and all the ones that have. These are all the things I don’t tell my mom or my boyfriend or my therapist or my best friend. These are the things I am too embarrassed to admit to anyone else, because admitting them to other people means admitting them to myself. These are the ever present what ifs in my mind that become ever more likely to become my reality as I continue to feed them with my insecurities. And so I take a moment to take stock of them and air them out…aloud. And to listen to the words. I talk to myself, but I also talk to the universe. I put it all out there, because putting it out there means no longer having it inside me. I am not a religious person but I am a spiritual one. I believe in something, but respect the fact that many people don’t—whether we believe in God or the Universe or no higher being at all, the one thing we can and should all believe in is ourselves.
And it is myself that answers back. If it were someone else I would probably crap myself.
Sometimes Myself come up with some really interesting and insightful perspectives. Sometimes Myself gives me the same advice other people have, the same pep talks or boosts of confidence. The difference being, I am finally willing to believe it, because I have finally come clean about all the things I believed were game changers, the thoughts and realities that convince me that if my loved ones knew these thoughts or possibilities, they wouldn’t be quite so eager to pat me on the back.
This is my meditation. I suppose it’s not really meditation at all, but for me it has the same calming and invigorating effect that people I know who do meditate “correctly” tell me they have. I get off my yoga mat feeling more tethered to who I am, the good parts, and less tied to the dark and anxious parts.
It is a simple routine to quiet an overly busy mind. And, if you are like me, and completely incapable of getting your tantric yogi on, perhaps this may help you as much as it helps me.