Can you believe it’s April already? We’re a quarter of the way through 2012!

Here in New York we’re fluctuating between summer-esque sun and winter weather. It appears that Mother Nature still hasn’t quite figured out what kind of spring she’d like us to have, and I have subsequently been dressed completely inappropriately for weeks now. It’s cold. It’s hot. It’s cold. It’s hot, but it’s raining. Hey look, it’s snowing. To be honest, the weather isn’t such a big deal to me—until early Fall I’ll be behind my desk typing. I’ve chalked 2012 up to The Year of the Recluse.

My life has certainly taken quite a turn this year, and while I feel unbelievably fulfilled on so many levels—I’m also going through a lot emotionally. Some of it has to do with book writing, and some is of a completely different personal nature. Balancing the really amazingly good with the heart-wrenchingly bad has had a significant effect on me. I certainly don’t mean for my blog to become “heavy central,” but I guess I am feeling a bit heavy these days, and because of that I have one very simple (or, not very simple at all) goal for April:

Honor my limits. For the majority of my life I have completely ignored any indicator that I cannot be any and everything I want to be—usually all at once. This moderately delusional behavior has led to quite a few accomplishments, but also a lot of tears, sleepless nights, and general anxiety. While I have come to accept my all-or-nothing personality, I’ve also realized very recently that there are limits to what I can handle. I’m not entirely sure I know what it means to honor my limits just yet (having never done it before), but I’m making it my goal this month to find out.

This is not the kind of resolution I can cross off of my to-do list and call it a day. There are steps though, and so this month I will make an effort to take them.

  • Sleep. I don’t get much sleep these days. In part because I’ve been dosing myself with enough caffeine and energy drinks to keep me awake well into retirement, and also because the sleep I do get is generally riddled with nightmares. In order to get said sleep, I think I’ve got to:
    • Nix the energy drinks. They’re so not good for you, and nothing I would recommend to the masses. It’s not in my character to take (or abuse) such things to begin with, but I’ve been pretty out of character in general lately. Caffeine sensitivity varies from person to person, and has a lot to do with body size and weight, and developed tolerance (much like alcohol, the more you drink of it the more you need to have an altering affect). Having said that, too much caffeine can be detrimental to calcium absorption—something that’s especially important as a woman. I’m not sure I’ll look back on this time in my life 30 years from now and think that my daily word count is worth osteoporosis. High doses of caffeine can also have deleterious effects on nerve impulses (hence jitters). Coffee does have some health benefits, and it’s my secret lover, so I’m not giving it up. But I think I can ditch the 5-Hour Energy Drink binges.
    • Chill the F-dge Out. Meaning actively partake in relaxing activities before bed. That means turning off the computer an hour before bed and doing things like meditate or journal.
  • Exercise. Fitness has always been a part of my life, and while I love to measure it by physical accomplishment (weight plates, reps, and miles), these days I need it solely for stress relief. I don’t necessarily have the same time every day to dedicate to exercise that I used to. Spending 2.5 hours to go to the gym, workout, and come back is a luxury I can’t afford these days. I can afford an hour. I need an hour a day to take care of my body. Plus, being accountable to my body has a contagious effect—when I exercise daily I tend to take more care of myself in other aspects of my life.
  • Eat for energy. To be honest, my appetite these days is almost non-existent. Every few hours I eat something because I’m pretty sure that’s a required activity. You’d think not having hunger pangs would mean I would focus primarily on healthy stuff, but lately I’ve just been eating what’s quickest to whip up, and getting back to work. This includes far more takeout and fast food than I have EVER eaten before. Methinks meal planning may be in order to both make sure I’m eating enough and eating food that will keep me focused and energized in this relatively stressful period. The good news, a good portion of this month is taken up by the Jewish holiday of Passover, which means that a lot of processed food is off limits to me anyway.
  • Sit still. Perhaps this is a lesson that others learn much earlier than I, but it’s not an easy lesson. There are things that need doing at times, that cannot be done in the present. I have heard (no, really, people have actually had to sit me down and tell me this) that life is long. The second part of this lecture usually contains some business about things having a way of becoming clear when it’s time for them to. I don’t know that I necessarily trust this whole life being long theory (because I’ve also heard that it’s short), but I do know that there are things in my life that seem completely outside my skill set. I’m hoping that trusting this whole time thing will help make things a bit clearer.

These resolutions have nothing to do with gluten, bike-riding, or word counts. But, they are the resolutions I need at this moment in my life. April is the Month of Limits, and I’m going with it. What are you resolving for April?