My name is Kim, and I’m a perfection-aholic.
While it’s certainly one of my more motivating characteristics, I consider it one of my biggest flaws.
I tend to be pretty realistic when it comes to the natural limitations of other people, but when it comes to myself I expect nothing less than super-human strength and stamina, Einstein-like intelligence, and the patience of Mother Theresa.
Anyone else feel like this?
The problem with this equation is that I am not in fact super-human. This little fact continues to surprise and disappoint me.
What I’m working on now is figuring out a way to make my life work. I feel like everything in my life is amazing, and yet I don’t have enough time, energy, and brain space to manage it all. And in disappointing myself, I often feel like I’m disappointing other people.
Many years ago, I remember arranging a meeting with my then boss. People had just been let go and I’d taken on a whole slew of new responsibilities. The point of the meeting was to establish my priorities. I had so many things on my work plate, I wasn’t sure how to manage them all, and I wanted clarification about what duties took precedence. As we went down the list what we came up with was that they were all priorities.
It wasn’t a particularly helpful meeting.
I’ve been going over my priorities list in a similar fashion these days. Finishing my manuscript is my numero uno priority. Cranking out a 300 page book in six-months is pretty intimidating for a girl who makes her living blogging (everything I write is 500 words max!). In addition, I still have a job as a gossip columnist, work part-time at a magazine, have relationships with family, friends, and The Fella that I would like not to let fall by the wayside, and of course would like to maintain a moderately active lifestyle. They all seem like priorities.
So, I’m going to do something that is very hard for me to do. I’m going to try really, really hard to not try to be perfect (again, not saying I am, but I’m usually trying to be). There are going to be days that I’m a rock star at everything, but most days I probably won’t check off everything on my to-do list. I’m going to cut back my gym going from six days a week, to three, and use exercise videos (<3) to keep me from being completely sedentary on my off days—even if they’re super short ones. I may have to tell my freelance employers that I’m working on a big personal project and may have to take time off when needed. And I may have to be a bit hermetic when duty calls—I’m pretty sure my parents, friends, and boyfriend will still like me when I emerge from my writing cocoon.
Not trying to do everything right is going to be quite the challenge. If rational thought and self-assurances don’t work at quieting my inner perfectionist—candy usually shuts her up.
Scrambled egg whites
Trader Joe’s gluten-free English muffin (the consistency is more like a biscuit than an English muffin, but biscuits are good too)
Salad with roasted kabocha squash, grilled tofu, mandarin oranges, and sesame ginger dressing
A friend invited The Fella and I over for dinner. Not only is she a fantastic cook, but she kept everything super healthy:
Roasted vegetables, pita, tabouli salad, and shakshouka
Exercise: None. Sigh.