I have worked very hard over the years to separate feelings of guilt and food, and for the most part I think I’ve been pretty successful. My goal is generally not to go to extremes–and that seems to keep me from succumbing to food related crazy.
Well, back in June I got a job (one that I didn’t announce here, and one that I’m not completely coming clean about yet). The job is sort of a modelling/commercial/print ad thing. The shoot is in November, and part of the deal is that I spend the months between June and November getting in the best possible shape. And by that I mean, my food intake and exercise schedule is guided by and reviewed by nutrition professionals weekly.
The company has never asked me to do anything I deem unhealthy (or I wouldn’t do it), and honestly have been quite supportive and informative in regard to this process. However, for all extents and purposes I am on a diet.
I hate diets, and with diets come crazy. If you haven’t noticed, let me just say recently my fitness routine has been intense. I’m averaging 2-hours a day, 6 days a week. My diet, which I’ve always considered fairly healthy, is constantly being “cleaned up.”
For the most part I’ve handled this pretty well. The last few months I’ve tried to keep my food intake “rational” even with outside guidance, and I’ve actually welcomed the fitness instruction. But last night, after months of deprivation, and saying “no” to myself, I just lost my mind. I binged.
I’m not a binger, binging in generally isn’t something I battle the urge to do often. It’s happened a few times in life based on boredom, but I wouldn’t say it’s a tendency I battle regularly. But yesterday, oh man I couldn’t stop. Once I got an idea in my head about some food there was no amount of rationalizing that would quelle me until I had it. Four buffalo wings, a bowl of wonton soup, a package of sour strawberry straws, an English muffin with butter and jam, and three slices pizza later, I finally felt satisfied and called it a night with the food.
But, it got me thinking, “Is this really worth it?” I am not this person. Money is good, the ad campaign is flattering, but I was very close to calling the company and being like, “This whole experience is turning me into a food-crazed maniac.” Seriously guys, I’ve started keeping a list of foods I will eat one day, when I can eat again. I’m not sure how I feel about continuing on in this experience, but I am actually under a contract–so I’m going to try and make the best of the next couple of months without losing sight of my principles and concept of moderation.
Okay, I just had to admit that.
Now on to the good stuff. I’m still on staycation (at least from my jobby-job). I had some writing assignments to finish this morning, but once those were done I took myself on a date to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It’s one of my favorite places in the world. Here are some of the highlights:
After a few solid hours of museum meandering, I grabbed a snack and took a stroll around Central Park before I had to head to my running class. It was really a perfect summer day.
I ran 4-miles tonight in running class, we were working on hills. Afterward I mostly just felt like laying down and icing my knees, plus my stomach was upset so I forwent dinner.
Here’s the food rundown:
I kept it simple with a cup of coffee. Truth be told I was still full from yesterday.
Curried chicken tenders, steamed Brussel sprouts, brown rice
Dinner/Pre-Running Class Snack
Shrimp cocktail–maybe this was why my stomach wasn’t so hot after class.
For a chaser I had some fruit salad.