Long time, no see!
Sorry I fell off the face of the planet there for a while…I was busy being completely overwhelmed by my life choices. I really should work on that. I think I might actually have a responsibility-addiction. Is there a 12-step program to get over hyper-productivity?
Last week as I tried really, really hard to fit in exercise, work 5-jobs, visit friends, and get adequate sleep–I realized something: contrary to popular belief (and really, I’m the only one who has this belief) I am actually not capable of doing everything to the best of my ability. Really. I came up with a formula. I can do everything mediocre, but really I can only do two-things at one time to the utmost of my skill-level. I can exercise, have a social life, and eat well, but work is going to take a hit. I can get a full night’s sleep and work, but the gym is going to fall by the wayside. I can exercise and work, but sleep ain’t going to happen…and chances are that’s when I pass out in yoga class.
This realization seems to come second nature to some folks. Some people have no problem saying, “I’m sorry, my plate is full, I really can’t take on any more right now.” That has never crossed my mind–I literally consider every opportunity a challenge. What if I don’t do it, and that ends up being the experience that makes me [insert goal word here: happiest, famous, homecoming queen, a contestant on ‘Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?’]?
This realization was a hard pill to swallow for me. Really, it was quite upsetting–but at one point this weekend I said to my mom, ” I need to stop treating my body like a machine.” And she was like “YES! Yes! YES!” Apparently, she’d been waiting a while for me to come to this conclusion.
So, I did something I haven’t done in a while–I stopped trying at everything. I took a weekend off from responsibility, from work (I even put an away message on my email), from exercise, from contemplating the health benefits of almond milk over hemp milk. I just existed–and hung out with my parents, who turns out are very cool people who think I’m totally insane, but lovable.
Now it’s Monday, I got a full night’s sleep. I got all my work done today, albeit later than usual, and I hit up a yoga class to get bendy, strong, and centered. I ate some stuff too.
So, today was productive, but tomorrow might not be. I’m going to try really hard to focus on listening to my body when it says, “I can’t work/run/spin/stay up till the wee hours of the morning…anymore.” I don’t think it will come easily, in fact, I think it goes against the very fiber of my being, but I think it’s important that I stop and smell the roses once and a while. When I die, I hope there’s more on my tombstone than “She was very productive.”
Shredded wheat, strawberries, almond milk
Salad with lettuce, tomato, onion, carrot, chickpeas, grilled turkey, celery, lemon vinaigrette
Smoothie with almond milk, vanilla whey protein, banana, peaches