I’m feeling a bit icky about myself today.  Not in regard to body, in fact, I finally feel like I’m getting back to a comfortable place with my body.  I’m feeling pretty icky about me as a person, and how I’ve treated someone.

Once, when I was in college I was talking to a friend and I said “You know when you’re wrong, but you can’t stop being wrong, you just follow through till things explode?”  She said no.  Apparently this is a condition unique to me.  For the last few months I’ve dated someone, who I treated, well, wrong, but I didn’t know how to not be wrong.  It’s hard being emotionally available when you’re not really sure how you feel.

So, last night, things ended.  I feel bad about that.  I feel bad that I hurt someone, because I’ve been hurt, and I never want anyone to feel the way I’ve felt when that happens.  I’ve spent most of the day dwelling on ways to be a better person, or at least a person who is better at handling other peoples feelings and expectations.  If I take anything from this situation, it is the resolution to have more faith in peoples ability to handle my feelings.  I have the tendency in relationships to spend so much time buffering people from bad feelings, that it can backfire and make them feel worse.  This situation taught me a lot about myself.  There’s a lot I need to work on, but in the meantime, I think I’m going to lay low on the man front for a while.

Today wasn’t a big eating day, I started the day on an empty stomach mainly because I have to throw out all the food in my house till I get a new fridge, and later met a friend for Brupper (Breakfast-Lunch-Supper), I guess I’m not all that hungry when I’m wallowing in self discovery.

As for shooting, I was on the set of Colin Hearts Kay this morning, where I spent an hour in hair and make-up, and about 15-minutes shooting. This was my second shooting day, and I have one more to go.  I’m psyched to see the final result.  In the meantime, here are some fun pictures of me in Goth Gear:

Goth Kim 3

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Now for the food:

Breakfast-Lunch-Dinner

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Shrimp and broccoli over brown rice

Dessert

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I split this vegan cookie with a friend.  It was soooo good!
Coffee w/soy milk