So, I’m thinking of changing the theme of my blog. From now on I’m going to eat as much crap as humanly possible, sit on my couch 100% of the time, and see how much weight I can gain? That sounds good, right?
Note to self: The day after you return from vacation is not the best day to schedule your annual physical exam. Why? Because they weigh you. They weigh you with all of your water, cheeseburger, fish taco, banana cheesecake weight and they are unforgiving of the fact that you just needed some down time and that you haven’t bought groceries in weeks. Where’s the love doctors office scale? Where’s the reassuring hand on the shoulder that says, “It’s okay, we’ve all been there, sometimes you just need to stock up on fish tacos.”
Yeah, there was some sticker shock this morning at the doctors office. I’m no longer on vacation though, and it’s time get back to business in getting my body back to it’s happy place. I’ve noticed certain things about myself and gaining and losing weight. My lowest weight, which isn’t skinny by any means, but thin, feels good mentally, but doesn’t feel like me. Nor does my higher weights. There’s a middle place somewhere where I feel happy, and not like I’m starving and not like I’m binging, but when my hips and boobs feel round, but my tummy a bit less bloated than it feels right now.
The truth to the 10 lb up or down rule feels pretty true to me. At 130, my lowest weight, I love to try on clothes, but my boobs are gone and I have to seriously hit the step mill in order to keep my butt in jean filling proportion. At 140, I feel perfect, I feel golden and curvy and not skinny, but not fat. That as my aunt likes to say is my magic weight. At 150, I feel bloated and full all the time and start to feel the pangs of self doubt set in.
That’s where I’m at right now. I’ve learned a lot about my body over the course of this blog. I lost slightly over 20 lbs from the time I started this blog (and I’d lost about 15 before the blog), but strangely, I’m at exactly the weight now I was when I started The Kim Challenge. Funny how that happens. The thing is, when I started this blog, I was really proud of myself for being exactly the weight I was, those 15 lbs were quite the accomplishment. I’m trying to remember that joy I had at one time being the weight I am today. I had no idea I’d ever lose another 20 and how easy it would be for me to maintain a weight of 138 (I was lower than that for a while but then I just felt icky) with a reasonably healthy diet and slightly more than moderate exercise schedule. Honestly, it almost felt too easy.
Then my life was uprooted, and that happy little routine I mastered fell by the wayside, as did a fair portion of my self respect. I may have lost my sense of self, but I found that weight I lost! My mom always says that when you lose something, the fairies borrow it, and when you’re not looking they return it. Well, that’s what seems to have happened to my budunkadunk. Thank you fairies, thank you, thank you very much.
I feel much better about my current lot in life as an apparently non-starving artist/writer. I like what I do, I’m happy with it, I’ve finally figured out how to get paid. I have all the freedom in the world to audition when I want. If I could get an audition, of course. Summer is notoriously slow in the acting world. I’m working on book proposals. Travelling oodles. In all honesty, it ain’t a bad life. Now, that I’ve finally figured out how to actually make a living. So, now that I’m happier with my life, it seems like it would be a good time to feel happier about my body. I’m not looking to get tiny, just get back to my happy weight, the weight were I feel good in my body, my boobs are pert and my butt fills my jeans just so.
Whew, I’m glad I got that off my chest. Now, if only I could get to the grocery store.
As promised, here’s the recap of Tuesday through Friday of this week. Happy weekend to everyone.
Absentee Lunch 7.6.09
Bread at the Cheesecake Factory
I split these grilled fish tacos with a friend, there was still 1/3 left over when we were done!
Then we shared this massive piece of Banana Cream Cheesecake. Unlike the tacos there was nothing left when we finished. A girl’s got to have priorities, right?
Fish Tacos Again! I asked for a whole wheat tortilla this time, who knew they’d bring two?
Now it’s time for the drinking portion of the day!
The Irish Coffee was mine
There was once a Mai Tai in that glass
How I didn’t throw up, I don’t know!
Me, My friend Avi, Rene (hi, Rene), Rene’s Special Manfriend Curtis.
Some chicken-y pasta-y concoction. Did I mention there was wine?
7.8.09 The Day of Disney
Starbucks Low Fat Very Berry Coffee Cake
Grande Skim Latte
Theme Park Food-Cheeseburger and Fries (gross, but necessary)
Thanks to some of Lara’s suggesting, I decided to make In-N-Out Burger one of my sight seeing stops this trip. As far as fast food goes, this was tops. Having said that, I think I’ve reached my cheeseburger quota for 2009.
Double Double Cheeseburger-Awesome
I only had one meal on Thursday. I had a flight, a flight sans snacks I may add, for the majority of the day. By the time I got home I was all about curling up and getting some zzzzzzs.
Omelet w/Avocado, Tomato, Bacon and Cheddar Cheese
Oh, right and now we’re at today…
No breakfast for me, haven’t gone grocery shopping yet, so there’s nothing but a jar of almonds in my fridge. Instead I met up with some friends for lunch and a work date at a local cafe.
Coffee w/milk & splenda
Whole wheat wrap with spinach, tomato,red pepper and avocado
Then, because one coffee wasn’t enough, we ventured to a local Mexican restaurant for Mexican style coffee. I didn’t even know there was a such thing as Mexican style coffee, but it’s good, let me tell you. It has cinnamon and who knows what else in it.
And, of course, because there’s still nothing but almonds in my fridge and I’m going away again for the weekend, I met up with some friends for a dinner out at Ruby Foos in Time Square. I tried to keep it healthy. Tried. But, it is Friday.
Steamed vegetable dumplings, edamame (see kinda healthy)
Fried Calamari (okay, not so healthy)
Then came the drinking portion of the evening.
Four of us shared a margarita pitcher. It wasn’t that big, so I’m going to say about 1 margarita each.