I met with my nutrition counselor today, and we talked a lot about how weight often times has very little to do with how little or how much we eat, but seems to fluctuate according to happiness.  That’s a pretty loaded statement.  Obviously being happy doesn’t burn any more calories than being not-so-happy, but there’s something to it nonetheless.  The times when I’ve found easiest to control my weight (and to lose it) is when I’m feeling pretty rock star in the other aspects of my life. 

We also discussed what it is about goal setting and baby steps.  We all know that I’m not a promoter of instant-fixes. But we talked through the times in my life that I’ve lost a lot of weight and kept it off.  There were two times. Time number one was the year before I moved to LA, I made the decision to lose weight so that I couldn’t use my weight as  an excuse once I got to LA for going out for parts.  I wanted to give myself every advantage I could.  I gave myself a year to take off 20 lbs, and I think I actually took off more than that in the end.

The second time was slightly different but there was one similarity.  I got out of a pretty craptastic relationship in 2007, one in which I gained a boatload of weight because my boyfriend at the time ate like a human garbage disposal and I just couldn’t seem to muster the resistance or will power I probably should have.  When we broke up I lost weight pretty quickly and effortlessly for a while just from getting back into my normal eating routine, but the weight loss was accelerated when I signed up to climb that stair climb (the one I embedded above).  The stair climb gave me something to train for, to work toward…a goal.  That was also around the time that I started this blog and did The SELF Challenge.  In that time frame I lost about 40lbs.  It took a while and was gradual, but it also wasn’t hard.  The weight loss was an added bonus to a larger goal, or goals to me more precise.  The goal to learn to be me again after being a we for four years.  And, the goal to achieve, to finish the Stair Climb without dying.

While the history behind these periods were different, there are two very obvious themes.  One, I gave myself time, a lot of it, to accomplish my goals.  A year before I left for Los Angeles, and a good four-months of stair climb training, when most people only do 6-8 weeks. More important than time though, was a goal, an external goal and something to strive for that had a very real finish line.

While I stopped losing weight shortly after the stair climb, I really had no problem maintaining my weight until very recently and I’m pretty sure the key to that was happiness (see, things come full circle).  When my job was uprooted and my show cancelled I really lost my sense of self and where I belonged.   Now, I’m just struggling to figure out what I want next and who I am now that I’ve been stripped of my role in society.  That struggle seems to have a direct relationship to my weight.

It all seems so obvious now that I’ve talked it out, but it’s not quite as easy to recognize in the moment.  It doesn’t make the fact that I’ve gained 10lbs easier to deal with, but it alleviates some of the stress.  I mean, we’re all human, and I would accept these struggles in other people, I need to learn how to accept them in myself.  Perhaps for now my focus shouldn’t be on food, but on finding a way for myself (that doesn’t mean I’m stopping the blog).  Maybe it’s time to treat the bigger issue, not just the symptoms at hand.  That’s not always easy, but it’s a starting point and often times just starting is the hardest part.

Anyhoo, I had a bit of soul searching today in regard to food and weight, and I figured I’d share that with ya’ll.

Hannah: How is the cereal?  Hmm, well they’re bran flakes which means they’re not Lucky Charms, but as far as bran flakes go they’re pretty good.  I’m sure the other flavors probably taste better-but I tend to be such a health nut sometimes I just automatically pick up the box with the highest fiber.  I don’t dislike it, but I’m not planning on testing out my french kissing skills with it either.  Fruit helps.  Definitely needs fruit.

Here’s the food: 

Lunch 5.27

SD532761

The end of the turkey chili (thank goodness it was starting to get too spicy to eat!)
Pepper Jack Cheese mixed in for texture.  Everything is better with cheese.

Dinner 5.27

Grilled Mahi Mahi w/ mushroom cous cous

I didn’t take a picture, not because I didn’t want to but because our seating arrangement was too tight for me to find my camera in my bag.